What are you doing?


What are you doing, God?

Have you ever asked that question? I know I have. I’ve been asking it for both small and big things all my Christian life, and I’m sure I’m not alone. For example, why does God allow children to be forced into prostitution? What good can come out of that? Why doesn’t He protect them from such evil? The list of big issue questions is endless.

But you don’t have to save the “What are you doing, God?” for big issues. I’m sure you all have asked God what He’s doing or where He is during the day-to-day tough stuff. Recently, I’ve been tempted to question God about my life. I’ve been sick for over 4 weeks since Joshua’s birth, and he’s only 11 weeks old! Why would God allow 3 different illnesses attack our family in such a short time, especially with an infant in the house? Doesn’t He know that we don’t have access to a PICU? Couldn’t He just block all viruses from entering our family? Do you care, God??

Of course, God does care. He loves Joshua (and all of us) more than I can imagine, much more than I love him (and all of us). God is capable of stopping viruses in their tracks. God knows our place of residence, our lack of American-standard medical care, etc. He also knows my areas of weakness. He knows what causes fear in my heart, pride in my life, and the desire to be independent. And maybe that’s why He allows illnesses in times like these.

God searches my heart and sees that I fear losing another child more than I fear His wrath. He recognizes that I struggle to trust Him ever since Hannah’s death. He can tell that I take more pride in my accomplishments than in His, that I am tempted to think that the world can’t go on without my contributions, and that I’d much rather do things my way. He knows I need to slow down and spend more time in prayer. More than anything, He knows that I need practice trusting Him with EVERYTHING.

Yes, everything. That includes Joshua’s health, the timing of illnesses, the dates of both births and deaths, when I succeed and when I fail, etc. God can be trusted to work everything for good for those who love Him, and I sure do love Him! I need to rest in that promises.

No, I may not like how things work out for my good. I may not get to see the good while I’m on this side of heaven. Those things aren’t parts of the promise.

I like the New Life Version of Romans 8:28: We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are chosen to be a part of His plan.

Praises and Prayer Requests:

1. Praise God for Joshua’s health! I know that he’ll get sick from time to time. I’m thankful for the times he is healthy and happy. He is growing so quickly. In fact, it’s time to put away the 0-3 month clothing and get out the 3-6 month clothing!

Look at that belly!

Look at that belly!

2. Praise God for His sovereignty. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, He is in control. He is Abba Father, the Great Physician, our Provider, and so much more.

3. Praise God for Noah! He will turn 9 on Sunday!

4. Please pray for us as we celebrate Hannah’s 3rd birthday on January 22. May all the glory go to God that day no matter what emotions it brings.



5 responses »

  1. Love your honesty. I have always believed that we need to stand in awe of God, but we also must be real in our communication with Him. How silly to assume that He doesn’t know all about our questions. I’m still waiting for an answer on why He doesn’t throw a plague into the midst of those terrorists! He is God and I am His child. I know I probably couldn’t understand the answer if He told me. So, instead I pray for God to glorify Himself in their midst and soften hearts for His Kingdom. Praying you’ll experientially realize God’s presence, in a powerful way, on Hannah’s birthday!

  2. Can you believe we were both pregnant with our boys at the same time? Hard to believe they are/will be nine already! I pray for God to give you the strength you need. As your ‘big sister’ I miss not being there to hold you close and provide the sisterly hugs you may need! I will be visiting Hannah’s grave again to wish her a Happy Birthday. I will be sure to sing to her for the boys. Love & miss you all.

  3. Oh Steph, I so understand how you feel!!! Having waited so long for Jack and Lily to be part of this family and not knowing if my son and his wife would ever conceive…..I understand your fears and I am only the Nanny!!! They were so healthy their first 2 yrs and then suddenly nursery school…one illness after the other. We all know it is a part of growing up in this world….but so hard to watch these precious little ones get so sick. They both just got over double ear infections and pink eye. Mommy had no idea they had ear infections…they never complained, just ran these temps off and on. She is an RN and does not run to the doctor trying to keep their immune systems free of antibiotics as much as possible. My son the other day said he still has trouble sleeping when he is home with them alone as Tricia works 3pm t0 3 am. He feels glued to that baby monitor. So you have every right to feel as you do. The best comfort is the acceptance of God’s plan and yes with all of the suffering, esp with children, it is so hard to do and such a comfort when we can. You are an amazing young woman and wonderful mother. God will take care of you!!!

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