8 Months

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Where are you, God? Have you forgotten me? Am I not worthy? 

The list of questions that have been filling my mind this last month could go on and on. This uphill climb out of the valley has become a battle of the mind. Who do I believe? Who do I trust?

Psalm 20:7 says, “Some trust in horses and some in chariots but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” If I penned this psalm, my words would be “Some trust in themselves and some believe lies, but I trust in the name of the LORD my God.” That is the battle raging within my head. Doubts, fears, guilt and lies flood my mind, but then the Holy Spirit overpowers them all.

Let’s be honest. We all have those moments when we feel forgotten by God. The Bible assures us that He never leaves us nor forsakes us, that He loves us with an everlasting love, that He is always looking out for our good. However, it just doesn’t always FEEL like those things are true. There are times when I’d rather throw a pity party than believe the Truth of Scripture.

I had a couple of particularly hard days this past month. Days when I literally cried out to God, “Where are You?? Have you forgotten me and the promises you’ve made me? Am I no longer worthy of those promises? Have you changed your mind?” The answer to each of those questions is a big “NO!” God has not forgotten me. He is the Keeper of promises. He hasn’t changed His mind, because his plan is always perfect. He isn’t going to keep MY schedule though. And why should He? I’m a finite person with a very limited perspective on my life. He is an omniscience, omnipotent, holy, awesome God! Sometimes I just need to be reminded of who HE is and who I’m not. Rest assured, the Holy Spirit is right there to set me straight, and He does so in such a tender way.

He reminds me to renew my mind with Scripture so that the lies are easily dismissed (Romans 12:2). He tells me that I’m chosen, holy and dearly loved (Colossians 3:12). He sends signs that He remembers His promises to me (there are many verses in the Bible that state “God remember His covenant with…”). He prompts some of you to mail me notes of encouragement (Philemon 1:7). He speaks to me through His Word, through other people and books, through music. It’s simply amazing. And then, I’m overwhelmed by love instead of frustration, fear or grief.

The Truth is that God doesn’t owe me anything. If He never gives me another blessing for the remainder of my life, He still outdid Himself.  The Bible tells us that sin is punishable by death (Romans 6:23), and I’m a sinner. Therefore, all I deserve is death. In light of this truth, I am spoiled beyond measure. And that’s what He longs to do for His children. In fact, He often does immeasurably more than we ask or imagine! (Ephesians 3:20)

Just this morning, my morning devotions spoke straight to my heart. Laura Story wrote, “Why did God withhold healing from Paul? Was it because God couldn’t? I certainly doubt that the Almighty God, the One who parted the Red Sea and delivered Jesus from the grave, would have had any trouble removing Paul’s thorn. But, just because God can do all things, doesn’t mean He is obligated to. The only things restraining God’s actions are His own character and His own goodness, and His divine purpose.” She also quotes Matthew Henry, “Extraordinary afflictions are not always the punishment of extraordinary sins, but sometimes the trial of extraordinary graces. Sanctified afflictions are spiritual promotions.”

That’s the God we serve. He is with me as I climb, slowly but surely, out of the valley of the shadow of death. I am determined to fear no evil. I am proclaiming that my cups runs over. Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Oh, what a glorious day that will be!

What a glorious day that will be when all His promises have been fulfilled! How beautiful it will be to see Jesus face-to-face! How amazing it will feel to be perfect and complete! How sweet it will be to be reunited (for eternity!) with Hannah and all the others who have been called home before us! Oh, glorious day!!

Hannah, 4 months old

 

I just re-discovered this picture. Hannah is 4 months old…and Noah is being crazy in the background. I miss that crazy life! I miss having my 4 kiddos running all over the place! I miss that sweet face! I miss the pink and the accessories and the tenderness she brought out in my boys!

Come, Lord Jesus, come!

Praises and Prayer Requests: 

1. Praise God that the rat is dead! Actually, he was trapped shortly after I posted my last list of prayer requests! Just try to tell me prayer doesn’t work!!

2. Praise God for 2 whole days without rain! Again, God can answer prayer. While I know we need rain, I’m so thankful that the boys could play outside again!

3. Praise God for care packages and notes of encouragement! We feel so loved. Thank you for taking the time to keep in touch with us. May you be rewarded for your part in our mission!!

4. Please continue to pray for my dad. Pray that the radiation will cure him completely!

5. Pray for my husband’s side of the family as they buried and said their last good-byes to Grammy Walker.

6. Pray for our hearts, that they would be filled with Truth and always submissive and humble before the Lord.

My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV

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2 responses »

  1. Your posts here always seem to come at a perfect time for me, not that I know even the slightest amount of your pain and struggle, but in other ways. For example today I feel reminded that the Lords blessings that’s he’s given me this past month, though I prayed for them and he answered those prayers (WOW :), he didn’t have to!!!! But he did and those prayers he may not answer I know aren’t part of his plan for us, I just need reminded like you said that He doesn’t owe me anything and has sooooo outdone himself in my life. So thank you for your posts Steph, I always look forward to hearing how you and the boys and Aaron are doing. Will be praying for your Dad alot, miss him and your Mom, don’t get to see them very much. Take care, love and prayers to you all!!! Mandy

  2. thought this was right along with what you wrote about in your blog…the picture that was attached to it didn’t copy here but you can go to her facebook page and see it…

    Ann Voskamp (on her Facebook posting)
    7 minutes ago
    hey weary soul?
    Just murmur two words all day: “No Comparison.”

    Lay your suffering on one side of the scale — and the glory that He’s giving you on the other… and it’s all a relief:

    Your suffering is short.
    Your glory is forever.
    Your suffering is of this earth.
    Your glory is of your heavenly home.
    Your suffering is of no weight at all… in comparison to your glory.
    NO COMPARISON. Exhale.
    “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will give us later.” Romans 8:18 NLT

    {#preachingGospeltoMySoul}

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