One Month


It’s been a month.

In many ways it feels much longer since Hannah died. The days are so long. No amount of activity makes the days pass quickly. Surely, it has been more than a month. Surely, I’m more than one month closer to heaven, right?

The answer is a resounding NO, but we are doing well. I see no red flags in the boys’ behavior. I’ve been able to maintain a normalcy in their routines and daily life and yet have a lot of fun doing everything American that we can think of! This week we spent some time in Lahaska at Peddler’s Village. Giggleberry Fair was so much fun!

Jacob and Levi at Giggleberry

This is a picture of Superman (aka Jacob) and Batman (aka Levi) in the Giggleberry Mountain. Boys will be superheros no matter where they are!

Then, we went over to Lancaster to see “Noah” at Sight & Sound Theatre. Again, so much fun! We also enjoyed the indoor pool at our hotel.

Levi, Aaron and Noah in the pool

Three of my four boys pose for a picture. Jacob isn’t quite as adventurous in the water, so he spent most of the time in the safety of the steps. With Aaron’s help, Noah and Levi were under the water, jumping into the pool and splashing all over the pool!

On the way to Lancaster, Aaron discovered some pictures, and even a video, of Hannah on my camera. What a surprise blessing! They are sweet reminders of our precious princess. The video was a vivid visual of Hannah’s voice, mannerisms and mischievousness. Just as we were beginning to feel like we could never keep those memories alive, God blessed us with those pictures and that video!

Hannah eating my birthday cake

This one was taken on my birthday. Hannah had such a sweet tooth! She gobbled up the cake and was soon looking for more!

Pretty Pouty Princess

This one is a favorite! She was so pouty when she didn’t get her own way. I’m pretty sure she was upset with me because I was trying to take her picture instead of hold her…

my four monkeys


And I love this picture of all four of them! Pretty sure Hannah is wondering why her big brothers are so weird. Shortly after this, Noah and Jacob walked away, and Levi stole Hannah’s sippy cup. She cried and cried. My sorry attempt at a photo shoot is now a true treasure!

We love looking at pictures and video of Hannah. It helps us to remember her. It initiates conversation with the boys. They miss her but they’re able to talk about her and heaven so eloquently. I’m thankful that they are gaining an accurate view of heaven and that they’re looking forward to being there. As part of my grief process, I’ve been spending as much time as possible scrapbooking her life. After spending her entire life feeling guilty for not starting her scrapbook, I’m thankful that I never did. It has been so therapeutic to organize the pictures and write stories about each one in a beautiful (pink and purple and sparkly!) scrapbook.

Please continue to pray for us and to share your stories with us. While hearing the ways God is using our story doesn’t lessen our sorrow, it does give us answers to “Why? Why was it necessary? How is this bringing God glory?” Be assured, brothers and sisters, God is receiving glory!

David praised the LORD in the presence of the whole assembly, saying,

“Praise be to you, O LORD, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting.

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours.

Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all.

Wealth and honor come from you; you are ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all.

Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.”

1 Chronicles 29:10-13 records these words of King David. He was praising God for all the gifts that the people gave to build and furnish the temple. David continued to thank God for the things He gave His people so that they could give back to Him, and then in verse 18 he prayed, “O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you.” This is my prayer too.

Father God, thank you for all the gifts you so generously give us. May we use them to bring glory to Your Name, and may we always desire to do so. Amen!


10 responses »

  1. I’m still praying that God gives you peace for just because the days pass its still hard but the love you express for her is still very strong and that is awesome. I think everyone is falling in love with her too. 🙂

  2. God bless your week with His grace and strength. Thank you for being willing to share w so many your life….and all our Abba Father can and does do in the mist of this life. As I type this I am reminded of the song “Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong”. May you be given the strength to continue on each step of the roads that lie ahead.

    God bless you!

    Sent from my iPad

  3. Dear Steph, I haven’t had the privilege of meeting you but wanted to tell you I’ve been recently following your blog, as well as your husband’s. Every post makes me cry HARD as if I’m right there with you and love your family, and I do love your family. You are my sister in the Lord and I’m so inspired by what a warrior you are through the toughest battle a human could endure – the loss of a beautiful child. And your Hannah was SO beautiful, just like her mother. I look forward to meeting her one day past those pearly gates. I’m sure, by than, she will know how very many lives were changed by her short one. Keep up the good fight, He is saving your every tear. This life will be but a blink and than our loving Father will repay you a crown of beauty for your ashes. You and your family will be in my prayers, know that you’re loved from Canada!!!

  4. Hey friend,

    I have thought about you guys ALOT today. Seems like every scripture that was read and each song that was sung reminded me of you. Our Sunday school lesson was about Jairus’ daughter and her healing. I thought about sweet Hannah. In verse 54 of Luke 8, Jesus took her by the hand and said “Maid, arise.” One month ago today, Jesus took sweet Hannah by the hand and may have said “Maid, arise” and she did to receive her ultimate healing! So thankful that when adversity comes our way as the song said today, “God is still good!”

    Love you guys and miss you so much. I will have to admit that I am a little jealous that we aren’t going back to Tenwek with you…


  5. Time flies by ..and sometimes drags..depending on our thoughts and activities, but, Heaven’s time— and Heaven’s rewards—are eternal. God’s love for you, your family, and for Hannah—is AWESOME!! May the videos, pictures, and scrapbooking keep your precious child forever in your hearts’ “eyes”. Hannah shall live forever in Heaven, happy and healthy, ever-so glad to be reunited with you all. Blessings always

  6. Dear Stephanie,
    Thank you for allowing me to meet your precious daughter through these blog posts. Thank you for sharing where your heart is today as you and your family grieve. Sending love and light from VA. From one mama who longs for heaven to another, Anna

  7. Dear Stephanie,

    You don’t know me, but I started following your family’s journey shortly after a friend who will also be serving in Kenya asked for prayer when Hannah was sick. I just wanted to add how your family and Hannah’s story have touched my family here in Indiana. I too have wept with you as I have followed the blogs during this time, but I have also been challenged as I have seen your response to God’s hand in your lives. You have encouraged me to be a better mom and to look for every opportunity to praise God and tell others about him. Thank you so much for your transparency. We will continue to pray for you, Aaron, and the boys as God guides you forward.

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